Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
