Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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