I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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