Your face is a jimmy john
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
