So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
