i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
