Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
