Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
