Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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