Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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