She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
