I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
