Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
