she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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