nut hugger
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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