I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
