lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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