I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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