mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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