I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
