Are we in a gay sports bar?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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