Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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