The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
