The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
