Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
