Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
