found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
