porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
