he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
