She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's get the cat blown out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
