3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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