we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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