Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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