He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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