You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
