I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
