It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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