are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
