she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
