Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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