Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
