oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
