Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
