Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
