I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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