I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sext me about skeletons
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
