Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
