omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
