I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
