As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
