My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
